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Erma Bombeck


American
February 21, 1927
Journalist
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A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.


Erma Bombeck
Tags: You Who Know
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Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.


Erma Bombeck
Tags: Never Take Start
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.


Erma Bombeck
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.


Erma Bombeck
Tags: Will Any Woman
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Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.


Erma Bombeck
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.


Erma Bombeck
Tags: Than Some Most
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.


Erma Bombeck
Tags: Humor Comedy Line
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.


Erma Bombeck
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.


Erma Bombeck
Tags: Who Little Mother
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.


Erma Bombeck
Tags: You Your Become
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In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.


Erma Bombeck
Tags: Should Two Lost
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.


Erma Bombeck
Tags: Too Old Young
There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
Erma Bombeck
Tags: Like More Your
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
Erma Bombeck
Tags: Courage Our Them
Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.
Erma Bombeck
Tags: Age Strength Own
Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.
Erma Bombeck
I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.
Erma Bombeck
Tags: Like About Up
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Erma Bombeck
Tags: Who Because Ever
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
Erma Bombeck
Tags: You About Life
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
Erma Bombeck
Tags: Courage Me Get