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Dave Barry


American
July 3, 1947
Journalist
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'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.


Dave Barry
Tags: French Fat Bag
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You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.


Dave Barry
Tags: You Always Only
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Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.


Dave Barry
Tags: Your Down Fun
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Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.


Dave Barry
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To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.


Dave Barry
Tags: More Than World
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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.


Dave Barry
Tags: Used Mean Word
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As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.


Dave Barry
Tags: More Than Child
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Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


Dave Barry
Tags: Never Any Take
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The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.


Dave Barry
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Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.


Dave Barry
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For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.


Dave Barry
Tags: Me Always Been
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I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.


Dave Barry
Tags: Car Want Go
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
Dave Barry
Tags: People Who Very
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Dave Barry
Tags: You People Who
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Dave Barry
Tags: You Your Will
The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.
Dave Barry
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
Dave Barry
Tags: Who More Only
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
Dave Barry
Tags: About Know Very
In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
Dave Barry
Tags: You About Get
We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
Dave Barry
Tags: Who Had Many
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
Dave Barry
Tags: Because Out How
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Dave Barry
Tags: Time Way Going
We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.
Dave Barry
Tags: About Know Much
If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
Dave Barry
Tags: You Up Would